LET'S BREAK UP WITH ANXIETY.

Can I start by saying that social media has opened the door for so much camaraderie concerning mental health issues, while also diminishing their severity? Does that even make sense? My thought is, and has always been, that we all have anxiety in varying degrees. Some of us have a healthy amount that pushes us forward and keeps us motivated to get things done to an extent, and others of us have more than what feels healthy. Anxiety that feels crippling, that exhausts the individual, or that just shows up so consistently that it seems as though that is the only state of life. Dark right? And everyone seems to be speaking up about it all over the internet, which is awesome, but sometimes...it feels like you aren't "doing" anxiety the right way, as if anxiety was a marketing tool.

I'm fairly certain I've experienced waves of anxiety since hitting middle school. The awkwardness of puberty paired with the clumsy ways in which some of us navigate a sense of self during that time is enough to make anyone feel a little embarrassed and anxious. Anxiety for me during middle school, high school, college, and then graduate school was always event oriented. Test taking, paper deadlines, tennis matches, it all brought on bouts of anxiety that would fade as I got the paper done or started a match. I didn't think of myself as a highly anxious person, I just thought I got nervous like everyone else, which for the most part was true.

I finished graduate school, and was about halfway through my pregnancy with my son with the least amount of anxiety I had probably ever had. I was completely done with my education, I was in the most relaxing portion of my pregnancy, and everything seemed to just be in place in my world. Fast forward to when our son was born, spending a week in NICU with him, and starting my journey as a brand new mom trying to learn how the hell to keep a small human alive for the first time...holy shit you guys, anxiety had made her grand entrance back into my life in some type of way. I remember coming down the elevator of the hospital a few days after having Beckett, I was exhausted, and I couldn't even think up the words to explain the way I felt. My heart started to pound as the elevator started descending, I felt my breath get short and my eyes start to well up. I distinctly remember feeling time pound around me in that moment and thinking about how anxious I was. Feelings like this continued for three solid months after giving birth to my beautiful, healthy little boy, and then finally things started to feel easier. I started getting into a routine, and found myself no longer counting down the days until Beckett was "supposed to" be able to sleep through the night in his own crib. I was able to start working out again, started really getting the hang of breastfeeding, and kinda felt like a real person again, ya know? My son is about to be three years old in August, and you guys...I still have days (like today) where hard core anxiety creeps into my space. It's a hell of a lot less often, but it still shows up. Since becoming a brand new mom, I've found some practices that have helped me kick my anxiety in the ass when I need to regroup and feel more centered again. I'll share each of them below, so hopefully you can also find ways to combat what anxiety creeps up for you. xo

1. GET YOURSELF MOVING

I will forever and always be an advocate for exercise as a mental health aid/remedy. It was one of the most significant changes I made in my routine after having Beckett that helped me step out of my funk. I had an incredibly active pregnancy, like...pretty sure I taught a Zumba class the day before he was born. So going from highly active, to not able to work out for awhile so my body could heal, was hard on me mentally. Side note: I am a firm believer that your body NEEDS that time to heal after creating and birthing freaking life, I took a solid THREE months before I did a workout after having a baby. I'm just saying that adding exercise back in after that hiatus was super beneficial to my mental health game. I won't bore you with the specifics, but endorphins help you feel good, so yeah...it's going to help you combat that ugly anxiety monster.

2. FRIENDS...I DON'T MEAN YOUR REAL ONES

While I was living in that first three months of breastfeeding all day every day, I started to rewatch Friends, like all of it you guys. Call me crazy, but it made me feel better, probably because of the array of feel good emotions you get from the show and the obvious friendship aspect of it, but it really did. Turns out an array of mental health professionals have talked about the phenomenon of anxiety relief watching a sitcom like friends can bring. "[Watching Friends] is about an experience of repair, of watching the characters in the show repeatedly having worries, which then get repaired and soothed, usually in the context of other relationships in their lives." (Joe Anderton, 2019) Seems legit right? Cross my heart you guys, I still even now, will sit down and watch an episode (okay three episodes) of Friends if I'm feeling extra anxious. Works like a charm.

3. STEP OUTSIDE YOUR ENVIRONMENT

One of the best things I did for my anxiety was get myself on a rolling routine, set up some healthy habits I could follow, and stick with that ish...until I needed to break it. Sometime the routine gets redundant, and you're right back to only going through the motions of your day. There is nothing wrong with that routine you've built to help ease your anxiety, it just needs to be revamped every once in awhile so you continue to feel fresh. I'll often get work done outside of the house at one of my favorite coffee spots or even change where I get groceries just to get a change of pace. Changing the types of workouts you do, or even where you do them helps too! Trying a new recipe, getting outside, finding a new favorite date night spot, all of these things can be the tiny little key in changing up the routine!

4. THE VIBE

Grab out your selenite wands, align your chakras, and make sure mercury isn't in retrograde...it's about to get real up in here. Let's keep it serious for a sec, we all come from different life experiences, backgrounds, belief systems, life freaking circumstances...and that is totally A-OK. Whether you meditate, pray, journal, scream into a pillow, blast hard rock throughout the house...it all comes down this question; "Does it make you feel better?" It should help you feel relieved, re-centered, connected back to your truest self. There is no "best option" because what works for me may not be what helps you get back your vibe. Hell, you may not even want to call it your vibe. In conclusion, I'll be over here stuffing quartz into my bra and repeating the serenity prayer, you are always welcome to join me.

5. SLEEP

One of the biggest ah-ha moments I had as a new parent was that sleep = clarity = less anxiety. Fucking rocket science right? If you're a parent, you get it. That time at the beginning is hard. Your body is trying to heal, you have a new person (who you don't really know THAT well yet) living in your home, and if your situation was or is anything like ours...that kid does not sleep. We tried desperately to sleep train our son, but eventually it came down to a decision concerning our mental health, so we started co-sleeping. I understand this choice isn't for everyone, but for us, it was a crucial step forward in getting our ish back together. Once we were getting more sleep, the stress that loomed in our home lifted slowly, we started feeling less like we were drowning from day to day, and more like we were living human beings again.

Anxiety.org published an article about sleep and mental health saying, "Healthy sleep has been proven to be the most important factor in predicting longevity, even more influential than exercise, diet, or genetics. Studies have shown that almost every system of the body is affected by the quality and quantity of sleep a person gets, especially the brain." ( You can read the full article here: https://www.anxiety.org/sleep-a-fundamental-cure-for-anxiety ). If your brain doesn't have time to recover and heal, why would we every think that we were going to feel our best without that sleep we were lacking? Of course that lack of sleep is leaving the door unlocked for anxiety to slink back in. Do what you need to in order to get the sleep you need, even if you just start by going to bed a half hour earlier. Your body and mind will thank you for that extra time!

6. GOAL SETTING

An article I read on anxiety made the following observation regarding anxiety relief; "Consistency is the only valid method for relieving anxiety in the long-term. People who want one thing and do something else inevitably suffer from anxiety." (Mind Globe, 2016). Your purpose, sense of self, and ultimately, your goals, all play a huge roll in feeding your mental health. Being more consistent not only in your routine, but also with what it is you ACTUALLY want, helps you feel less anxious. Setting and moving towards goals that align with your internal sense of self are a great way to not only help relieve anxiety in the short term, but also create long term success in breaking up with her all together. I've always been taught one specific way to goal set, if there is a different way you set goals I would love to hear about it in the comments! Basically, you set one large goal, something that may seem slightly unattainable, and you break down that goal into smaller, more realistic goals that work in a chronological order that move you towards that large goal you set. Looking at that first small goal that you have, it's time to sit down and really look at what you need to be doing in your routine to move towards reaching said goal. The slight habit changes or routine refreshes that will help you move forward without rocking your world all together. That is the stuff I like to focus on, the little habits & the small moves in the right direction. I think over time, getting in a groove of doing those things sets us up for mega long term success in whatever goals we have set for ourselves, and they end up being so much more SUSTAINABLE. They don't feel like your on a restrictive diet for 30 days and then at the end bingeing hard core. It just feels like a gradual shift that you can continue to flow with. Sometimes for me, writing out lists helps, or just taking time at the beginning or end of the day to sit with myself and think about what I want, who I am, and what movement forward I want to be focused on.

So, weather you have hella lot of anxiety, you feel anxiety free, or you're somewhere in between, hopefully some of these tips help you out (or you can always save them for later!) Just remember, life gets hard, but your hard is given to you because you can handle it. Keep on showing up and know that we are all in this together.